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[Chizuru was bracing herself for the worst news. She held her breath, tears already threatening to run over her cheeks for what he could possibly tell her. He was dead, he was still missing, he--

Hijikata's response was worse than anything she could prepare herself for. Why would he say that? Was there any question?! Don't leave her in suspense..!] No!

[There was no controlling her volume now. The tears started, and she took both hands to Hijikata's sleeve, gripping it, tugging on his arm as she pleaded.] After all this...if you know something..! It's why I'm here, isn't it?! [Her knuckles grew white, trembling all the way up to her shoulders.] You have to tell me!

[He tenses up as she grabs him, begging him to tell her what he knows. His gut reaction is to try and step back, to push her away...

"Dammit!" This was easier the first time. When she had a father's body to mourn over. When she wasn't right there and he could give her the space she needed.

He closes his eyes and exhales, lungs collapsing in defeat. He doesn't open them when he breathes in again; he doesn't want to look at her. He doesn't want to look anywhere.]

We were in Sendai. The... [Should he give her the full explanation? Would that help or would it be even more cruel? Dammit.] Sannan-san and your father had made more rasetsu and...turned them loose. It was like hell.

I...saw three of them lunge at you. Koudou stepped in front of you, and...

[He shakes his head; he wants it to be over. He wants to not have to see the way she's looking at him.] I'm sorry.

[The grip she held on Hijikata's sleeve loosened. He didn't need to push her away, as she stepped back, practically pushed by the blow his words dealt.]

H..he...[The tears that lined her eyes silently spilled over her lashes and trailed down her cheeks. She recoiled, bringing her hands defensively to her chest. Her shoulders shook as she fought to maintain what composure she could.]...he was protecting me, wasn't he?

[She lowered her head, unable to speak for fear that only sobs would come out. It was always protection, wasn't it? Because she was there, for what purpose? It only put people at risk. Inoue, Yamazaki...her father, too. If she wasn't there...]

Thank you. For telling me. [She could barely whisper the words, and she'd be lying if she claimed that she sincerely meant it. But it was her own fault for asking, wasn't it? Did she really expect differently, the way things had progressed?

Perhaps she should be grateful that she was there for his last moments. Did he suffer? Was it quick? She had more questions, but she didn't dare ask more of Hijikata. Not with the way things were developing. She probably didn't want to know.]

[Hijikata nods stiffly when she asks about her father protecting her.

He's perfectly aware of how she blames herself for that kind of thing. It's for that reason he wants to grab her by the shoulders and shake some sense into her: "None of this has ever been your fault."

Instead, his gaze softens just enough, and he glances over to her with concern.] You don't need to put that brave face on if you don't want to, you know.

[It's almost a little unsettling. This Chizuru hadn't actually been there, not yet. Shouldn't she be angry at him? Reflexively, he thinks back to the last time he saw Souji, before coming here.

People yell at him when their loved ones die on his watch, and not without reason.]

[Hijikata's words were enough to unleash a hiccup of a sob from Chizuru's throat, but she quickly stifles it, bringing the heel of her palm up to her tear-soaked cheek in order to catch the tears that were falling.] I can't--

[Speaking wasn't probable at this point. If she opened up at all, the odds of a deluge of feelings following was high. It wasn't fair to Hijikata. He had already been carrying this burden all this time, it mustn't have been easy to share that news, after all.

But what did this mean. If her father is dead, what did that mean for her? So many uncertainties, so many questions - even in this strange place they found themselves in, she could at least rest knowing that she had a place with the Shinsengumi. The goal of finding her father hadn't changed just because of different scenery. But...if this was how it was going to end, then...was there really a place for her, anymore?]

[He can't do much more than watch her, at this point. He feels like he should probably offer some sort of comforting words, but hell, that's never been one of his strengths.

"I'm sorry?" No, he said that already.

Well, in the absence of being able to deal, there's always retreat.

Stepping away from the window, finally, he stops at Chizuru's side just briefly, looking down at her tear-streaked face. Dammit. Well, Toshi, you've made yet another girl cry. Congratulations.

He lifts his hand, about to rest it on her shoulder in a wordless message of support, then thinks better of it. Giving an almost apologetic sigh, he moves to head back through the living room.]

W-wait! [Chizuru's arm statches out, her fingers pinching onto the edge of Hijikata's sleeve. She tugs lightly, only enough to make him aware that she had taken a hold of it.] Please...

[She still had questions that needed answering. What become of her then? Did she go back home to Edo? Did she continue to help the Shinsengumi in whatever way she could? What about Sannan-san? Was he really a traitor? He couldn't just leave her in suspense, could he?]

[He knows why she stopped him, more or less. But he can't guess as to the full scope of her questions.

So, he simply looks over his shoulder at her, waiting for her to continue. But he doesn't take his hand away.]

[He doesn't need to. Once she realizes he wasn't going to just go away, she released his sleeve.]

What happens after that? [Does she even need to say it? With her father dead, do they even bother keeping her around? It made the most sense, but after everything she's witnessed, all they've been through...she can't imagine life without them, at this point.]

[He shakes his head slowly.] I don't know. I woke up here not long afterwards.

[It's not entirely a lie. She's asking what happens to her, right? He can safely say he has no idea. After he ordered her to stay behind while he went off to die in Ezo, at least.

He has to remind himself yet again how that was the right decision to make and he definitely does not regret it at all, no sir.] But I...I think your future will be a good one. You shouldn't worry about that.

[Chizuru searches Hijikata's face for some twitch, a flickering of emotion on his usually dynamic face to betray some inkling of what he meant. She began to lose track of how long she had spent doing so, failing to realize that at this point she was probably staring.]

.....

[How could he tell her not to worry, when there was nothing to be said of him, or the others?] ...what is that supposed to mean?

[His face does finally twitch at her inquiry; no more than a typical scowl as he looks away yet again.]

It means exactly what I said.

[And before she can get a word in edgewise:] It's getting late, Chizuru.

[He can't hide how tired he is from his voice anymore. Or he just doesn't want to. And discussing his and his companions' imminent deaths wouldn't exactly help matters.]

[That doesn't answer her question, and only leads her to make assumptions. Hijikata, don't you realize that Bad Things happen when Chizuru's left to her own imagination?

Still, she takes a step back, distancing herself from the vice-commander. She brings her hands together and rests them in her lap.] I'm sorry to keep you up.

[He glances back over his shoulder with a strange look on his face. He didn't mean that to say she was keeping him up, but the opposite. He can't help but wonder if she already knows he won't be sleeping much tonight regardless and is only keeping up appearances. If that's the case, he isn't sure how he feels about it.

Finally he manages a curt:] You worry too much.

[And with that, he heads back to his room, no doubt leaving her with too much to worry about anyway. But it's not a conversation he feels like having right now. Not after everything he's already said.]

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